Why did you buy them “that” gift?

The Christmas Season, that brief span of time between Thanksgiving and Christmas Day, is filled with a rush of emotions. With each person we select to buy a gift for comes one or more emotions we hope to express.

For some people it is a gesture of thanksgiving. For others it is a feeling of hope. Still others,love enduring, love beginning, sometimes even love lost with hope of restoring.

Each gift carries on its golden wings a message for the recipient. Make a friend, fill a need, sooth hurt feelings, or inspire them to self improvement, the list goes on.

Look at the gifts you have purchased. What message are you sending with them? If there is no message, you have wasted your time and money and need to put more thought into your gift giving. Imagine you went out in search of that one special gift to tell them how you feel.

For many a Christmas card and a brief phone call is all they need. If you want to buy someone a gift, focus on the message you hope to sent along and write it on the card you send with it. Along the way you will discover the true meaning of the Christmas Season. It is a renewal, a reawakening, an appreciation of the many sources of love we have in our lives.

For me, Jesus Christ is my greatest source. My gift to Him should always be to love my neighbor, and myself of course. His birth reminds us all of the gifts he continually showers on us everyday of our lives. All He asks is that we share His great love with those around us.

The Golden Rule ~ Broken Everyday

Everyone knows the Golden Rule, but have you ever wondered its source, where it came from, what wise man first penned the phrase and gave it to all of us as a gift? The answer may surprise you.

The natural inclination in searching for the source is to look to the ancient religions. Surely we will find a wise man there who scrawled it on a sheet of papyrus or carefully chiseled it into the face of a stone tablet. What we find surprises us.

Judaism ~ "What is hateful to you, do not to your fellow man. That is the entire Law; all the rest is commentary"

Hindu ~"This is the sum of duty: Do naught unto others which would cause you pain if done to you"

Buddhism ~ "Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful"

Islam ~ "No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself"

Confucianism ~ "Surely it is the maxim of loving-kindness: Do not unto others what you would not have them do unto you"

There are more religions, each one reads like a warning of things you should not do. Then we look at the Christian version of the Golden Rule given to us By Jesus Christ. What do we discover? Here it is.

Christianity ~ "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets". In modern times this has been rewritten to say, “Always do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Other religions used the Golden Rule to warn against bad behavior towards one another. The Christian version is a call to extend the kindnesses you find in your own heart to those around you, always, not just when you are inclined to.

It is the only version of the Golden Rule that promotes a positive interaction. It is the only version written by God. All the others were written by men who wish to appear god-like and keep the peace.

When you break the Christian version of this rule you do as much or more damage to yourself as a person as you do to them as an individual worthy of your kindness. Following this rule will lead to much happiness in your life. “Always do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

 

That one special relationship

    A very special relationship, one selected from many a true love relationship, is found only between the best of friends, where there are no irreconcilable differences that place limits on the trust they have for each other. The intimate, physical confirmation of this relationship is then limited to the one close friend who makes the commitment to fill all our needs, every day, for the rest of our lives.

All other true love relationships we have respect this line drawn in the sand. Yes! It is possible to have more than one true love relationship at one time, but, only one intimate one, because that single love relationship requires a 100 percent commitment.

Every one of these relationships is as unique and different as the two people who are an equal part of it. And yet, all true love relationships end up appearing to be the same: They all match our preconceived expectations of what a true love relationship should be. How is this possible?

The key appears not to be in what they have in common, but rather in what their differences are. But unlike friends who simply accept each other’s differences, these special love relationships rely on each other’s differences to help them live their lives to the fullest, to help them feel complete.

J.Siler

Love relationships were not meant to be accidental.

    A very special relationship, one selected from many a true love relationship, is found only between the best of friends, where there are no irreconcilable differences that place limits on the trust they have for each other. The intimate, physical confirmation of this relationship is then limited to the one close friend who makes the commitment to fill all our needs, every day, for the rest of our lives.

All other true love relationships we have respect this line drawn in the sand. Yes! It is possible to have more than one true love relationship at one time, but, only one intimate one, because that single love relationship requires a 100 percent commitment.

Every one of these relationships is as unique and different as the two people who are an equal part of it. And yet, all true love relationships end up appearing to be the same: They all match our preconceived expectations of what a true love relationship should be. How is this possible?

The key appears not to be in what they have in common, but rather in what their differences are. But unlike friends who simply accept each other’s differences, these special love relationships rely on each other’s differences to help them live their lives to the fullest, to help them feel complete.

Just as where the differences between men and women make it possible for the human species to survive extinction, each one contributing their strengths to the common good, so too, do couples in a strong love relationship rely heavily on each other’s mental, physical, and emotional differences to create the peace, and love, and happiness that seems to fill their daily lives.

It truly is the discovery of these unique differences and the merging of these two “halves” to make one “whole” couple that creates the beautiful relationships we recognize almost instantly every time we encounter one of them.

God has a plan regarding our love relationships. Foremost in His plan is to provide us with a feeling of peace, free from the fear we feel when trust is not present, as well as our fear that our weaknesses will cause our downfall. It is this love relationship that we seek until we find it. To believe it happened by accident fails to give God credit for a great plan.

Why we are often misunderstood.

There is no doubt that secrets have led to more misunderstanding and fear in our relationships than from any other source.

Our failures to share these secrets with those who want to love us can only be seen as a selfish failure to love on our part. How can we expect them to love us if we didn’t show them the way to our hearts and souls?

By not giving them a clue how can we blame them for their negative reactions to our cry for help and forgiveness when we misstep. Oh woe is me until we have finally seen the error of our ways. From deep within we can hear the moans coming from many a memory of the sorrow we have caused by a secret which should never have been kept.

Sharing secrets gives you the understanding and compassion needed to help form the bond of trust needed to create a lasting love relationship. Your best friend will end up being your true love. Protect those secrets. Make some rules together, and enforce them gently in the language of love.

Apologize when you break a rule, and never do it again, so your love can continue to grow. Remember the Golden Rule. You will need it for guidance many times on the path to your true love. Loving one another is not easy. Love has rules. So too, must you.

With love, comes peace of mind.

Whenever possible, love should never be gray. You either do or you don't. Either you can or you can't. You either will or you won't.

A simple thing, black and white, for it is in the gray areas of our lives that we must live with our doubts and our fears. The simple strength we garner from things that appear black and white sustains us in times of chaos.

Like a sheltered anchorage in a stormy sea, we rely on love to calm our fears and steady our course as we sail from one adventure to the next.
To dwell for long in a world full of gray can fill your life with doubts.

Love should never be gray. Either you can or you can't. You either will or you won't. You either do or you don't.

Make the decision and find some peace of mind.
 
J.Siler

When your passion turns to anger, what should you do about it?

 
     For all of us, the mention of certain subjects, objects, or people can cause the visceral rise of anger up into our throats. If we fail to get these feelings under control, we often suffer from the consequences of our own words and actions.
 
If this happens to you more often than you would like, you need to do a few things in advance to give you better control in these stress filled situations. This advance preparation can have a wonderful effect on your ability to prevent your anger from damaging the causes that stir your passions.
 
Each temple pulsing, fist clenching moment comes to us via a trigger. This trigger is the key to what our response is now-anger, and what we wish it was-persuasive. Yes, I said persuasive. Everyone with a cause wishes everyone around them would join their cause. When it happens, we become happier. It is hard to argue with this kind of logic.
 
Here is where advanced planning can really pay off. Done right you will be thought of as a person of great personal passions instead of a raving fanatic. Think back to the last blazing hot confrontation you had. Which one of you walked away looking like a nutcase with a bad attitude?
 
Ready to become a someone who lives life with truly great personal passions? That may sound a little over the top, but, it is our passions that bind us together. Never underestimate the role that passions have played in most revolutionary change. And, by all means never forget the powerful emotions that drive that change. Here comes the caveat. If you want change without physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual bloodshed, anger is the wrong emotion to use.
 
Getting back on track we must take a closer look at one of those moments when anger took control and look a little deeper to see if we can find the underlying passion. Politic, global climate change, social justice issues, personal religious beliefs, racial tensions, cultural norms, and so on are some of the noble causes that draw out strong opinions on both sides of every argument. It is not unusual for us to develop a serious dislike for those who are the most vocal opponents to our own point of view. Can you feel the anger rising in your throat as they come to mind?
 
This little recall exercise should have brought to mind at least one of your passions, as well as your feelings toward those who oppose your efforts to promote change. Good. This is where advanced planning can put you on top in a heated discussion, or at least let you walk away with your head up rather than with tail between legs.
 
Your righteous anger will need to be replaced with some form of persuasion for you to gain the upper hand or hold your own in a debate. To do this you must develop some irrefutable reasons to support your cause. I say irrefutable because fiction and fairy tales win very few arguments. Remind them that it is foolish to throw caution to the wind, especially when we are dealing with a few unknowns. 
 
You should be armed with at least three good reasons why they should respect your passion. It won't take long after you do this to discover the truth that the best defense must include a good offense. Simply put, don’t bother having an opinion if you are not prepared to defend it.
 
One of my own pet peeves is when people spout rhetoric one liners from famous people with no real knowledge of what the underlining passion is. It is one thing to share a passion, it’s quite another to blindly hop on a bandwagon. If you hope to persuade anyone that you are passionate about something, a little knowledge goes a long way.The goal is to empower you to take control of your passions and be happier as a result.
 
Passions are funny things. They can be big, and powerful, and overwhelming. And, they can also be tiny little jewels in your crown as king or queen of your personal kingdom. If you have a passion for something, I guarantee you there are others out there ready and willing to share it with you. One example would be recycling. There are happy recyclers and there are angry recyclers.
 
You can set out to save the world by demanding that everyone recycle under penalty of your personal scorn, or you can set the example by following your passion and then strike up spirited conversations about your exciting efforts to save the planet for future generations. Need I point out which method is most effective. The lesson learned here goes hand in hand with efforts at persuasion. Every passion has a positive face. Find yours and put it on.
 
To be a truly passionate person you must live and breathe your passions every day. From now on let whatever triggers your anger trigger a positive response instead. A little knowledge and preparation will make you a more passionate person. Don't let your anger destroy who you want to be. May your passion for life shine through your conversations so they can see you for who you are.
 
One last note: Mutual respect for each other’s right to have a different opinion will leave each discussion open for further consideration in the future.
 
J. Siler
 
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